The Diary
by AwesomeMango
Summary: "Dear Diary, I've had enough. This is it. I will end my suffering today. For months, I have been enduring this pain. The pain of bullying." Len wrote his final words before his death. Rin finds it and mourns over not only the loss, but the fact that she didn't do anything to prevent her only brother from comitting suicide.


_Dear Diary, _

_ I've had enough. This is it. I will end my suffering today. _

_ For months, I have been enduring this pain. The pain of bullying. _

_ Ah, yes, it seems as if it was eons ago when it had started. My family and I had moved to a new home, a new place, due to my big brother's work. I was excited to start anew. It was as if I was given a whole new canvas to paint my life again and for the better. _

_ We immediately signed up for school that day we had moved in so tomorrow, we would be off and my big bro and sis would unpack. It sounded like a solid plan, and it was. Rin and I went to school while my elder siblings spent the day cutting boxes and unzipping suitcases. _

_ I still remember what had happened at school. The smiling faces, the greetings, the questions. It all seemed like everything would be perfect. It all seemed like heaven. But in the end, it became a living hell. _

_ There is a group of girls in my school who are quite well-known. However, they're not well-known for their academics or athletics, but rather their desire to crush the spirits of everyone who is weak. And I was one of them. _

_ For the first few days, everything was normal. I concentrated on my schoolwork, participated in class, and hung out with my newly found friends. But then, one day, their leader, Mayu, approached me while I was studying for the English test. She pushed me off, pinned me down, and punched me hard in the face. While I was still trying to process what just happened, another punch landed and it was so strong I saw dots of blue, black, and green. And guess what is even more surprising? No one came to help me. They just minded their own businesses, talking as if I wasn't getting my ass kicked by the most feared student in the school. So, in the end, I was left bruised and hurt all alone on the floor. _

_ Later that lunch, I found out that everyone was too scared to stand up to any of Mayu's little gang mates, much less Mayu herself. How I found out, it's not important, but let's just say a younger boy from the lower grades had told me. He was a brave soul. I can't believe I thought he was strange just because he brought a bird to school and wore a sailor hat. I feel kinda guilty. But now, we're the best of friends – wait, my bad – __were __the best of friends._

_ So, it was like that for the next few months of my life. I always got beat up by her or her little friends (who weren't that little at all, compared to her). They'd break my fingers, beat me up 'til I bled, stab me with scissors, write hurtful things about me onto my desk. . . And that isn't even half of it. It was like every day, they found a new way to torture me. But I didn't tell. I never told. Why? Because I was scared, too. They threatened to hurt Rin. They threatened that they'd hurt everyone I loved, actually. And I didn't want that. So, I came up with the best excuses that would always convince big brother and sister. _

_ But my life wasn't all that bad. Even though it sounds like it. Trust me. There was this little boy, the one who I mentioned earlier, that always cheered me up and a piano player with beautiful gold eyes that shared his chocolate to comfort me. They were the only ones who stuck by me, who insisted that they will be there for me until my very end. They were different from the rest of my friends. Their names were Oliver and Rei. I wonder how they'll react when they hear the unfortunate news of my. . . I don't even want to write it down. I'm such a wuss, huh? Right now, all I can hope is that they can move on and live a good life. A life without me. _

_ Still, even though that I am going to end my life today, I am scared. What is at the other side, waiting for me? Heaven? Hell? Or the nothingness that scientist keep talking about? That when we wither we don't go anywhere? I don't know and I don't want to find out. But I have no choice. To get my freedom, I must face what is at the other side of. . . death. There. I wrote it. Death. Oh, it sends shivers down my spine just thinking about it. _

_ But I shouldn't postpone it no more. My freedom is awaiting me. So, farewell. _

_ Wish me luck. _

_Sincerely, _

_Len Kagamine_

* * *

Rin ran a her pale hand on the smooth page of her deceased brother's diary. These were Len's final words. How many times has she read this? "Len, oh, Len, you could have told us. . . You didn't have to kill yourself." She felt tears sting the side of her eyes. How many times have she cried?

Ever since she found her brother dead in the bathroom, a bottle of pills in hand, nothing has been the same. Big brother Kaito smiled less, Big Sister Meiko always cried when she was alone, and Rin would get reoccurring nightmares of Len's dead face staring blankly at her.

"Rin," Meiko solemnly called. "It's time to go. Come, get in the car." She placed a slender hand onto the little girl's shoulder and led her outside to the car.

Once everyone was in the car and buckled their seatbelts, Kaito brought the engine to life and drove off to her Len's funeral.

**. . .**

The cold January air stung Rin's skin, but it didn't matter. She barely felt it. Her lack of nutrition and sleep numbed her senses.

The sky was a gloomy gray when they got to the church. Everyone dear to her brother had gathered there – his classmates, his friends back from Hokkaido, and their cousins, uncles, and aunts - including those two mentioned boys in his diary.

She approached them both, took their hands, and said in a whisper, "Thank you. Thank you so much for being there for him. Thank you so, so, _so _much."

Oliver smiled and gave Rin a hug while Rei patted her back. "You're welcome," they both said. "You're welcome."

It wasn't long until Meiko urged them to sit down for the speech. Kaito was the one who would represent, though he had insisted Rin would do so. But Rin said that words wouldn't express how she felt toward her brother and ended the argument with Kaito representing.

He first thanked everyone for coming and for offering things to his little brother. He then began to tell them about how they first stumbled upon Rin and Len in the orphanage and felt a special bond, therefore adopting them. He talked about how Len was quiet, but kind and was always there for his friends. "He was a good kid," he said, "Always followed directions. He didn't deserve such a short life. But still, I hope he rests in peace." He had stopped because he was going to end up sobbing in front of everyone. So, with his head down, he stepped off the platform and went to his seat.

After that, the funeral procedures went on. They had a short mass and walked to the cemetery.

Everyone took one last look at Len, placing a yellow rose on his coffin and saying their last words to him. Rin was the last one to do so; afraid to see her brother's dead face once more. But when she saw him, he didn't have that same pained expression – instead, he had a peaceful air around him, as if he was asleep. Biting back a sob, Rin carefully placed his diary and a rose in his hands. "I love you, Len. You were my only family. I know I should have done something sooner, but I didn't know anything about your situation. But then how could I? You never said anything. Rest. . . in. . . p-peace. . ." Rin couldn't hold it in any more. She snapped, just like a fragile piece of string.

Meiko frowned softly and took Rin by the shoulder, guiding her away from the only person that shared the same bloodline with her. "It's okay, honey. Let it all out. Go on, cry. You don't have to be strong anymore."

Rin took one last blurry glance at the coffin that was being slowly placed in the 6-feet deep hole before burying her head into her big sister's stomach and sob. Len's gone. He's truly, truly gone. Out of her reach. It was bad enough she could no long hear him, but now she couldn't see him?

_Why, Len? Why did you have to do this? You idiot. _

"Goodbye, little brother."


End file.
